Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The Fine Art of Disaggreeing in An Agreeable Way
The Fine Art of Disaggreeing in An Agreeable Way
The purpose of these tips is to make a good relationship better, to help you keep things running well.
Do couples have to agree about all, most, or some issues to have a good relationship?
We know that most problematic issues (69% – see Dr. John Gottman’s research) do not get solved, they get managed. Successful couples “agree to disagree, with out prejudice.
Happy couples are respectful of differences and realize that there way is not the only way. The real issue is: can folks disagree in an agreeable way.
Example:
The other day I got really angry at my partner and she got angry at me because of how I responded. (I hate to say it maybe she was right). I though I was justified and she thought I wasn’t. We were both right and we were both wrong.
What we needed to do was to:
1. Calm ourselves down
2. Not be righteous (How dare he / How dare he)
3. Realize that the anger wasn’t as important as what we did with it. What we need to do is to let go of our grudges and realize the other person feels as wronged as we do.
4. Get back to enjoying and supporting each other
In other words, it’s not the out come of the disagreement, that is who is right and who is wrong, it’s how respectful couples are of each other even when the feel angry at the other person.
My last word on the subject – Even though the 4 step process that I have suggested above in this blog works it’s easier said than done. I know I’ve been there.
My last last words are:
Respect is a powerful tool in getting past an argument.
Do you agree? Let's hear your thoughts.
Do couples have to agree about all, most, or some issues to have a good relationship?
We know that most problematic issues (69% – see Dr. John Gottman’s research) do not get solved, they get managed. Successful couples “agree to disagree, with out prejudice.
Happy couples are respectful of differences and realize that there way is not the only way. The real issue is: can folks disagree in an agreeable way.
Example:
The other day I got really angry at my partner and she got angry at me because of how I responded. (I hate to say it maybe she was right). I though I was justified and she thought I wasn’t. We were both right and we were both wrong.
What we needed to do was to:
1. Calm ourselves down
2. Not be righteous (How dare he / How dare he)
3. Realize that the anger wasn’t as important as what we did with it. What we need to do is to let go of our grudges and realize the other person feels as wronged as we do.
4. Get back to enjoying and supporting each other
In other words, it’s not the out come of the disagreement, that is who is right and who is wrong, it’s how respectful couples are of each other even when the feel angry at the other person.
My last word on the subject – Even though the 4 step process that I have suggested above in this blog works it’s easier said than done. I know I’ve been there.
My last last words are:
Respect is a powerful tool in getting past an argument.
Do you agree? Let's hear your thoughts.
Monday, August 8, 2011
ARE YOU A RESERVOIR OR A CHANNEL
While reading my daily bread devotional this morning I came across this question? I started my bible reading from Luke 6:30-49, 7:36-50. These two chapters especially these verses “27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. 32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” got me thinking about my life, physically, materially and spiritually. Am I a reservoir of God’s blessings or a channel to reach others, believers and unbelievers?
First of all let’s define a Reservoir: A natural or artificial pond or lake used for the storage and regulation of water. A receptacle or chamber for storing a fluid. An underground accumulation of petroleum or natural gas. Anatomy A large or extra supply; a reserve: a reservoir of good will. Medicine An organism or a population that directly or indirectly transmits a pathogen while being virtually immune to its effects.
Then let’s define a Channel: The bed of a stream or river. The deeper part of a river or harbor, especially a deep navigable passage. A broad strait, especially one that connects two seas. A trench, furrow, or groove. A tubular passage for liquids; a conduit. A course or pathway through which information is transmitted: new channels of thought; a reliable channel of information. A route of communication or access. Often used in the plural: took her request through official channels. In communications theory, a gesture, action, sound, written or spoken word, or visual image used in transmitting information. Electronics A specified frequency band for the transmission and reception of electromagnetic signals, as for television signals. Computer Science A site on a network, as on IRC, where online conversations are held in real time by a number of computer users. The medium through which a spirit guide purportedly communicates with the physical world. A rolled metal bar with a bracket-shaped section. A temporary opening in a cell membrane that allows ions or molecules to pass into or out of the cell.
We will notice from the above definitions how a reservoir and channel works, a reservoir is a storage place while a channel is a passage or pathway, a connector, communicator an information carrier.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Texas warns of rolling blackouts amid power shortages after air conditioners go on overdrive as state endures 39 days of 100F-plus heat
Brethren let's lift up these cities before the Lord in prayers for rain!!!
Last updated at 5:27 PM on 5th August 2011
But bosses for the Electric Reliability Council of Texas (ERCOT) say the soaring power demand in the face of the brutal heatwave has left the state one power plant shut-down away from rolling blackouts.
Temperatures in Texas are currently topping 100F (37.8C) and have been soaring for well over a month.
Record highs have also been recorded this week in nearby states Oklahoma and Arkansas as the relentless heatwave spreads across southern America.
- Arkansas and Oklahoma also see record highs as temperatures soar
- Texas woman dies after having air conditioning unit stolen
- 'Excessively dry' conditions announced in ten U.S. states
Last updated at 5:27 PM on 5th August 2011
Electricity officials in heatwave-hit Texas have warned of impending rolling blackouts from power shortages as the U.S. state struggles to cope with the relentless scorching temperatures.
Texans have turned to air conditioners in huge numbers in a bid to beat one of the hottest summers on record in America's second most populous state.But bosses for the Electric Reliability Council of Texas (ERCOT) say the soaring power demand in the face of the brutal heatwave has left the state one power plant shut-down away from rolling blackouts.
Starved of water: Texas State Park police officer Thomas Bigham walks across the cracked lake bed of O.C. Fisher Lake on Wednesday as the state battles the month-long heatwave
Lifeless: The remains of an alligator are seen in Fisher Lake, San Angelo State Park, Texas on Wednesday as the much-hoped for rain from Tropical Storm Don didn't materialise
Record highs have also been recorded this week in nearby states Oklahoma and Arkansas as the relentless heatwave spreads across southern America.
Seek and ye shall find me - Read and be blessed.
Seek and ye shall find me
– August 4, 2011Posted in: Bible Study, biblical exposition, Headline, prayer, scripture application, series, shofarsound
Psalm 24:6, 2 Chronicles 7:14
The prolific 18th century Christian author and preacher Charles Spurgeon wrote:
[...]“true seekers are very dear in God’s esteem, and are entered upon his register. Even seeking has a sanctifying influence; what a consecrating power must lie in finding and enjoying the Lord’s face and favour! To desire communion with God is a purifying thing. Oh to hunger and thirst more and more after a clear vision of the face of God; this will lead us to purge ourselves from all filthiness, and to walk with heavenly circumspection.”
Seeking God, his face and the kingdom of God is a welcome and open invitation to all who truly desire to know God.
To seek the face of God is to seek His presence. The word “face” is a Hebrew idiom that means, “The presence of God.” Seeking God is not some unfruitful pipe dream, for Jesus himself said, “you shall find”. Psalms 24:6 states, “This is the generation that seek him, that seek Thy face oh Jacob. Selah.” 2 Chronicles 7:14 encourages and commands, “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves and pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sins, and will heal their land.”
Its important to know that when the Bible tells us to seek God, his “presence” or his “face”, its an idiomatic enjoining. According to The American Heritage Dictionary, an idiom is “…a speech form of expression of a language that is peculiar to itself grammatically that cannot be understood from the individuals’ meaning and its elements.” In lay terms, an idiom is a simple word that is used to describe something much more than it actually is. In this case, when we seek the “face” of God, we seek His presence. Because God does not have a face as you and I, the idiom in this case is to seek His awesome and omnipotent presence. In his presence is fullness of joy and at his right hand are pleasures evermore.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Can you praise me now?
This truly blessed me and I just wanted to share it.
By gcmwatch– August 3, 2011
Posted in: Bible Study, biblical exposition, Headline, scripture application, series
The drama in this story is so crazy it sounds like some cable TV reality show. But its not, its true, recorded in Genesis 29:16-35; 30:1-12 Note: the scripture doesn’t tell the story in true chronological form.
In summary, a man has got two women —two sisters— but he’s playing one of them. Having babies by her but not giving her the love she truly wants from him. She’s definitely not the woman of his dreams. Even after popping out healthy kids for him, she still cant get his love. His heart is with the other woman. The beautiful younger sister takes his breath away. But wait, there’s a problem. The other woman isn’t as sexually fertile as the one he doesn’t love. It gets so crazy between the three of them, even other women are brought in to be surrogate lovers.
Amid the many larger than life narratives in the Old Testament, the story of Jacob, Rachel and Leah is perhaps one of the more poignant ones. They are all, in a way, caught up in the drama, victimized and in the process passing on the hurt, pain and mistrust even to their offspring.
In the end, the lesson learned by Leah and its revelatory resolution sticks out as one we all can take a moment to pay attention to.
The hurt inflicted upon Leah is obvious. Of no fault of her own, she is diminished and rejected despite her attempts to give Jacob what she thinks he wants. But from the beginning, Jacob never wanted to be with her.
When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” vs 25
You probably know people in this situation right now as youre reading this. You may have been there yourself. Trying to please someone, doing your best, but when you look in their eyes you can tell they aren’t happy. I’ve been there. You see it in the church as well as in the world. People are wasting away trying to get something that will never produce what they think it should. It doesn’t matter if its a family member, friend, spouse, a pastor or a child some people will never be satisfied with you or what you do to win their affection.
This can cause a tremendous amount of emotional pain and lead to patterns of broken relationships.
This may be more about learning who truly matters and who truly loves you more than anything. In our hearts, there is a place that can only be filled by the love of God. Its a place where the pains of our past must give way to praise because we finally realize that nobody can love us like Jesus can.
Verse 31 says that when GOD saw that Leah was unloved he caused her to concieve, but Rachel, the apple of Jacob’s eye, remained childless. Leah’s focus wasnt on God (like many of us) it was on getting a man to love her. When their first son was born, she knew that things would change
By gcmwatch– August 3, 2011
Posted in: Bible Study, biblical exposition, Headline, scripture application, series
The drama in this story is so crazy it sounds like some cable TV reality show. But its not, its true, recorded in Genesis 29:16-35; 30:1-12 Note: the scripture doesn’t tell the story in true chronological form.
In summary, a man has got two women —two sisters— but he’s playing one of them. Having babies by her but not giving her the love she truly wants from him. She’s definitely not the woman of his dreams. Even after popping out healthy kids for him, she still cant get his love. His heart is with the other woman. The beautiful younger sister takes his breath away. But wait, there’s a problem. The other woman isn’t as sexually fertile as the one he doesn’t love. It gets so crazy between the three of them, even other women are brought in to be surrogate lovers.
Amid the many larger than life narratives in the Old Testament, the story of Jacob, Rachel and Leah is perhaps one of the more poignant ones. They are all, in a way, caught up in the drama, victimized and in the process passing on the hurt, pain and mistrust even to their offspring.
In the end, the lesson learned by Leah and its revelatory resolution sticks out as one we all can take a moment to pay attention to.
The hurt inflicted upon Leah is obvious. Of no fault of her own, she is diminished and rejected despite her attempts to give Jacob what she thinks he wants. But from the beginning, Jacob never wanted to be with her.
When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” vs 25
You probably know people in this situation right now as youre reading this. You may have been there yourself. Trying to please someone, doing your best, but when you look in their eyes you can tell they aren’t happy. I’ve been there. You see it in the church as well as in the world. People are wasting away trying to get something that will never produce what they think it should. It doesn’t matter if its a family member, friend, spouse, a pastor or a child some people will never be satisfied with you or what you do to win their affection.
This can cause a tremendous amount of emotional pain and lead to patterns of broken relationships.
This may be more about learning who truly matters and who truly loves you more than anything. In our hearts, there is a place that can only be filled by the love of God. Its a place where the pains of our past must give way to praise because we finally realize that nobody can love us like Jesus can.
Verse 31 says that when GOD saw that Leah was unloved he caused her to concieve, but Rachel, the apple of Jacob’s eye, remained childless. Leah’s focus wasnt on God (like many of us) it was on getting a man to love her. When their first son was born, she knew that things would change
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