I have a sign hanging on my cubicle at work that says “What will Jesus Do”. I tend to ask that question every few minutes during the course of the day. Why? You may ask it’s due to the “sandpaper” people amongst people I interact with on a daily basis. Sandpaper people you may ask, are the ones I find it hard to get along with due to differences in opinions, lifestyles and work ethics, denominations, religion.
Sandpaper is paper with sand or another abrasive stuck to it, used for smoothing or polishing woodwork or other surfaces. It is used to refer to something that feels rough or has a very rough surface. I feel the sandpaper people in our lives are there to fulfill the role God has destined for them, they there to smooth en our rough surfaces, we need them in our lives in order to fulfill destiny. Most of tend to ignore such people, keep them at arm’s length, avoid them, make sure we are as far as them as possible but I don’t think that is what Jesus would do in such a situation.
Let’s take a look at the life of Jesus, who is our role model. When he was 12 he was already in the temple disputing the scriptures with the scribes and Pharisees [They were seen to be the spiritual know in all in those days] Luke 2:46-47, He touched a leper [which was a taboo in those days] healed him and angered the Pharisess Luke 5:13. He even had secret disciples amongst the Pharisees, of whom one of them was Nicodemus who came to Jesus by night. John 3: 1-2. One of his disciples was Zaccheus who was a tax collector Luke 19: 2 [Remember in those days, tax collectors were hated] and how can we forget the woman that anointed his feet with the alabaster box of precious oil Matt. 26:7. The woman at the well of Samaria John 4:10-12 the woman whose daughter was possessed by demons Matt 15:24-28. Simon Peter’s betrayal. Matt 36: 33-34. Pontius Pilates at His sentencing. John 18:33-38. The children of Israel who cried Hosanna on palm Sunday and crucify Him 3 days later.
All these people one way or the other are or could have been seen as sandpaper people in Jesus’ life but he chose to see the good in them and still associated with them no matter what they were doing, don’t forget this was the same man that knew Judas was stealing from the coffers but he still retained him as the keeper of the collective purse. Jesus saw the best in them regardless of their behaviors past, present and future. Pure and simple!!! He refused to judge them; rather he chose to love them thereby bringing them into the kingdom without even opening the scriptures in some cases. His life was always opened to the right chapter so they could read him everyday. In some cases he chose to just be quiet and let His light do the talking.
I often wondered how Jesus will fare amongst us today, since the two greatest commandments he spoke about were “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all thy soul and with all thy mind and Love thy neighbor as thyself” Matt 22: 37 – 39. So where exactly do we fit these sandpaper people in our lives?
When we avoid, ignore, keep at arm’s length, keep malice with all the sandpaper people in our lives, how do we show them the love of God? Remember we are a city set on a hill which cannot be hid, the light of the world, the salt of earth, how we season the lives of people around us, how do we show them the light, how do we lead them to the city if we avoid them, ignore them, keep them at arm’s length, keep malice with them just because we have differences in opinions, lifestyles, work ethics, morals, denomination, religion.
Here are some simple tips for effective confrontation done the right way:
1. Always begin confrontation with affirmation. Encouraging words set the stage and prepare the heart to hear words of correction.
2. Be willing to take your part of the blame. I have lived long enough to know that no conflict is ever totally one-sided. Taking your share of the blame often diffuses anger.
3. Express hurt...not hostility. It is important to keep emotions under control during confrontation. Volume negates listening. Raised voices and angry words slam the door shut on any possible good that can come from confrontation. Sandpaper people rarely realize the depth of the pain they inflict.
4. Make clear, direct statements. When facing confrontation, I will often write down what I plan to say; then read it aloud. I can then go back and eliminate unnecessary comments, inflammatory words or vengeful statements. Stick to the facts.
5. Avoid using words like “never” and “always.” These words are untrue and accomplish little in a confrontation. For some reason, they tend to stir up emotions and fan emotional fires.
6. Listen. One of my favorite tactics in confrontations is to use the time the other person is speaking to formulate my next point. As a result, I don’t listen because I assume I already know what will be said. Difficult conversations require total attention. Listening validates people and invites them into your life. Refusing to listen is arrogant and self-centered.
7. Be solution centered. Make the decision beforehand to stay at the table of confrontation until a solution is found and some measure of restoration is achieved. It is so easy to go for the “let’s get this over with” conversation instead of getting to the heart of the problem.
The sandpaper people in your life are likely to be confronted on a regular basis. But because that confrontation usually comes from an unclean heart and an angry spirit, it can easily become just another notch in that sandpaper person’s belt, giving them one more reason to be who they are – difficult. When love and gentleness deliver correction, it is much more likely to be received and acted upon. We can be caring and confronting at the same time. Most sandpaper people are controllers and manipulators, intimidating their way into other people’s lives, because it is the only way they know to get in. Confrontation is a spiritual exercise and an act of obedience to God that changes lives and builds healthy relationships.
Here are some simple tips for effective confrontation done the right way:
1. Always begin confrontation with affirmation. Encouraging words set the stage and prepare the heart to hear words of correction.
2. Be willing to take your part of the blame. I have lived long enough to know that no conflict is ever totally one-sided. Taking your share of the blame often diffuses anger.
3. Express hurt...not hostility. It is important to keep emotions under control during confrontation. Volume negates listening. Raised voices and angry words slam the door shut on any possible good that can come from confrontation. Sandpaper people rarely realize the depth of the pain they inflict.
4. Make clear, direct statements. When facing confrontation, I will often write down what I plan to say; then read it aloud. I can then go back and eliminate unnecessary comments, inflammatory words or vengeful statements. Stick to the facts.
5. Avoid using words like “never” and “always.” These words are untrue and accomplish little in a confrontation. For some reason, they tend to stir up emotions and fan emotional fires.
6. Listen. One of my favorite tactics in confrontations is to use the time the other person is speaking to formulate my next point. As a result, I don’t listen because I assume I already know what will be said. Difficult conversations require total attention. Listening validates people and invites them into your life. Refusing to listen is arrogant and self-centered.
7. Be solution centered. Make the decision beforehand to stay at the table of confrontation until a solution is found and some measure of restoration is achieved. It is so easy to go for the “let’s get this over with” conversation instead of getting to the heart of the problem.
The sandpaper people in your life are likely to be confronted on a regular basis. But because that confrontation usually comes from an unclean heart and an angry spirit, it can easily become just another notch in that sandpaper person’s belt, giving them one more reason to be who they are – difficult. When love and gentleness deliver correction, it is much more likely to be received and acted upon. We can be caring and confronting at the same time. Most sandpaper people are controllers and manipulators, intimidating their way into other people’s lives, because it is the only way they know to get in. Confrontation is a spiritual exercise and an act of obedience to God that changes lives and builds healthy relationships.
I am not asking you to be their best friend or join them in their lifestyles, partake of their sins or share their opinion but to always open to the right chapter in your dealings with them while you keep your focus on God, so they can read your life and see the glory of God in you and peradventure God can use you to bring them into His Kingdom. Always be ready to describe what God has done and is doing in your life since you know that your life is heralding His power and His love. They are always watching your life.
Remember it more blessed to give than to receive, give them love where they are showing you hate, give peace when they are for war, give joy when they want you to be in sorrow and if possible go out of your way to assist them in so doing you are sowing seeds in their lives and one of these days it will bring for fruit. “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven”. Matt 5:16.
I chose to shine my light at work and every where I go so men can see Christ in me regardless of the circumstances, will you chose to do that today? Shalom.
Exerpts from Girlfriends in God.
Exerpts from Girlfriends in God.
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